And you can see what the problem is just by reading the title: Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters.

That the author, Erica Komisar, even thinks there is a state called "motherhood" marks her straight off as an old-fashioned binary sex-role thinker.

As for "prioritising" being a mother for three years - she must be mad. How are women to maintain their jobs and careers?

Has she never heard of gender equality in the family? Does she not know that men can do child care just as well as women if they really try?

These are the kind of sentiments (not my own) that must have driven an interviewer for Good Morning America to tell Ms Komisar, seconds before the camera went live, "I don't believe in the premise of your book at all. I don't like your book."

And that, according to The Wall Street Journal, was about the only air time she got with a major outlet apart from Fox & Friends, which liked her book a lot.

But let's cut to the chase. Erica Komisar knows a thing or two. Unlike most gender theorists she has clocked up three decades of clinical practice, first as a social worker and then as an analyst.

She has raised three children, and put off writing her book for 12 years to be "emotionally and physically present" to them. Presumably she kept her professional practice going for some of that time.

It was her professional experience, however, that made the book necessary. She told WSJ:

"What I was seeing was an increase in children being diagnosed with ADHD and an increase in aggression in children, particularly in little boys, and an increase in depression in little girls."

More youngsters were also being diagnosed with "social disorders" whose symptoms resembled those of autism - "having difficulty relating to other children, having difficulty with empathy."

Komisar came to the conclusion that it was "the absence of mothers in children's lives on a daily basis was … one of the triggers for these mental disorders." Continue reading

• Carolyn Moynihan is a New Zealand journalist with a special interest in family issues, and is deputy editor of MercatorNet.

The Virgin Mary is the ultimate example of its devotion to motherhood, to the point that one could say that every day is Mother's Day in the Vatican.

Pope Francis, following the legacy of the previous two pontiffs, has taken steps to turn the Church's devotion to women and mothers into facts, in part by calling for more women to be appointed to positions of prominence in the Vatican and throughout the Church.

"A Church without women would be like the apostolic college without Mary.

The Madonna is more important than the Apostles, and the Church herself is feminine, the spouse of Christ and a mother," Pope Francis told journalists on the flight back from Rio de Janeiro in Brazil in 2013.

"We cannot limit the role of women in the Church to altar girls or the president of a charity, there must be more."

And more followed, with women being appointed by the Argentine pope to roles that had always been occupied by men. Some of the pope's "firsties" are also mothers, and a few of them accepted to talk to Crux about their experiences, challenges and projects.

BARBARA JATTA - Having it All
Name: Barbara Jatta
Nationality: Italian
Position: Director of the Vatican Museums
Role model: St. George
Quote: "It's a matter of energy and will"

Barbara Jatta, the newly elected director of the world-famous Vatican Museums, is the poster child for the Vatican's openness and encouragement of women and mothers in positions of management in the Church.

A mother of three and a Vatican employee for the past 20 years, Jatta recognizes that there has been a shift in society in regard to the role of women, and that the Vatican is reflecting that shift. Continue reading

Sources

• Crux article by Claire Giangravè, and Editorial Assistant at Crux
• Image: The Vatican Museums

It being a school night, I wrestled with the decision to bring her, but the promise of good media about the faith outweighed the practical concern of homework completion. She seemed elated that I was allowing her a night off. As we left the house to meet my mom and dad, a spirit of joy and anticipation filled the space between us.

Within minutes of arriving, that joyful spirit had all but disintegrated. Unexpected circumstances sent my daughter descending into a spiral of teenage angst, complete with yelling. Surrounding us were people I knew from church.

I felt sure they were watching our exchange and my inability to control the situation. I felt sure they thought I had no place at a film about the Mother of God when, at present, I was actively earning my title as "Worst Mother Ever."

As the film was about to begin, she took off to find a seat far away from me. I wanted to leave. While stewing in this emotional soup of anxiety, embarrassment and self-doubt, I heard a still, small voice within that told me to stay put.

Due to plain exhaustion, my usually stubborn self listened and stayed. It didn't take long to figure out why I was meant to be there.

The film portrayed the Church, ten years after the resurrection of Christ, standing at a crossroad. The disciples were faced with new challenges and confounding arguments.

All looked to Peter for answers, for leadership and yet he felt he had none to give. With the advent of adolescence in my home, I too felt myself to be at a crossroad. Daily I faced new challenges and confounding arguments. Continue reading

• Lisa Lohenry Gilligan is a wife and mother who has been employed in parish ministry for over 20 years.

In a submission to an Australian parliamentary sub-committee's inquiry, the bishops said it would be "intolerable" to argue "harm minimisation" as justification for commercial surrogacy.

"Children are not commodities and should not be bought," said Bishop Peter Comensoli, the bishops' delegate for life issues.

"Legalising commercial surrogacy would allow the introduction of market values into the intimate and loving role that women have of carrying and giving birth to their child."

The bishops criticised the concept of surrogacy, both commercial and altruistic.

The bishops acknowledged the pain and sadness couples face when they cannot have children because of infertility or the inability to carry a child to full term.

But the bishops pointed out surrogacy can transfer sadness from the infertile couple to the surrogate mother.

"Surrogacy allows for the exploitation of the women who act as surrogate mothers," Bishop Comensoli said.

"It requires a woman to deny many of the significant, integral parts of the experience of pregnancy, which could have a long standing psychological impact on the surrogate mother.

"It gives priority to the childless woman, man or commissioning parents over the woman who is the surrogate mother."

Bishop Comensoli added: "Surrogacy is not undertaken with the priorities and interests of the child in mind, but rather the interests of the adults who want a child."

Bishop Comensoli praised adoption, but said a child should never be produced for the purposes of adoption.

"Surrogacy is different to adoption," he said.

"Where children are adopted by a mother and a father, this matches the model a child should expect of a mother and a father in marriage as a good alternative for when a child cannot be brought up by her or his natural parents."

Sources

• Australian Catholic Bishops Conference
• Image: Emaze

But children don't just inherit parents' spirituality, says psychologist Lisa Miller in her new book, "The Spiritual Child."

She writes that the essential sense of a transcendent power in the world — one that will love, guide and accept them and wrap them in a protective layer of self-worth -- has to be nurtured.

And for that, call (and thank) your mom or grandmom.

Miller, professor and director of clinical psychology at the Teachers College of Columbia University, scrupulously uses the neutral reference to "parents" throughout "The Spiritual Child."

But sorry, fellas, her research and narrative examples are replete with women in a book released just in time for Mother's Day.

"Science shows women are central to the spiritual development of children and that their sense of connection to a God or higher power is the cornerstone of psychological thriving and resilience across their life span," Miller said in an interview.

"Children get plenty of good things from dad, but it's the mother whose spiritual practices and observances really impact both daughters and sons, particularly daughters," she said.

Miller's studies found children with a spiritual connection at a young age were "90 percent less likely to be depressed" as teens or young adults.

This doesn't necessarily mean a forced march to a house of worship — which can be a complicated command for many interfaith couples who often compromise by making no religious choice at all.

Miller sees no advantages in organized, branded religions — particularly ones that minimize women's roles, which her research showed "gave no benefit" to women's spiritual and psychological well-being.

The key is to "figure out how you pray," said Miller, with an emphasis on the personal.

"It's less important which religious tradition you observe if your children hear you speak authentically about spirituality and your own relationship to the creator and you let them know the spiritual life is as real as the earth under our feet: We stand on it and we count on it," said Miller.

Miller, 48, who is Jewish, said she grew up in the Midwest in a community where, she said, "spirituality was in the water. We knew we were born spiritual. It was based on love and on relationships."

Even mothers whose religious lives were damaged by "bad messengers" can honor their children's inborn curiosity and let them have their own spiritual pilgrimage, Miller said. Continue reading

- Lisa Miller is the director of clinical psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University, and author of "The Spiritual Child."

My sister-in-law was gauging whether or not I was comfortable with her breastfeeding my 3-month-old nephew around me in her own house. I felt guilty.

I felt guilty because - somehow, not by what I'd said, or how I'd treated her, but somehow - I'd been a part of making my sister-in-law feel like a guest in her own house, feeding her own child.

Awkwardness followed. If I stay in the room now, I thought, I might seem like a voyeur, a spy prying into a moment of intimacy between mother and child.

But if I were to leave right then? I worried that I'd just seem like the stereotype of a celibate seminarian: Too uncomfortable and too pious to witness my nephew latching his mouth onto his mother's breast.

I stood still for a moment as all this ran through me, torn between honouring their privacy and honouring the naturalness of breastfeeding, and then my sister-in-law put me at ease. "It's no big deal if you want to sit and stay." Continue reading.

Jeff Sullivan sj is a Jesuit seminarian, and studying an MA in Philosophy in Chicago.

Source: The Jesuit Post

Image: ThinkJesuit.org

I tried to use that one once on my current small group to see what they would do. They just stared at me and rolled their eyes. Then they laughed because they knew I was joking.

Maybe teenagers in 1995 were a lot more corny than teenagers in 2013. Or maybe it was just me.

There are things our daughters (and sons, too!) need to hear us say. And even though the clichés may encourage some of them and may look cute on a poster, they will most likely fall flat on young ears. Here is my best attempt to come up with 12 non-cliché things our daughters need to hear us say.

1. I have hope.

I could tell her "Have hope." But, I speak as a daughter here, it means more to me to see my parents have hope than for them to tell me to have hope. My hope (or lack thereof) speaks louder to her than my words about hope.

Show her you have hope - you trust God with your family, you have hope for her future, you see light in dark places. Continue reading

Source

• Emily in Chatting at the Sky
• Image: More4Kids

He and other researchers, including Craig Kinsley of the University of Richmond, have found that there's more science than previously thought to being equipped for motherhood. Mothers are better at problem solving, handling stress and at completing certain memory tasks.

Franssen's aim has been to figure out what is happening in the brains of mothers to warrant these advantages. He designs experiments with mother and non-mother (but still female) rats to see how both groups perform on tasks such as navigating a maze. Then, he studies brain tissue samples from the rats to determine what neurons were activated. Does being a mother give a woman more neurons? Or, are a mother's neurons bigger or more efficient? Franssen explains.

You have this theory about revving racecar engines and pregnant women's brains. Can you explain? What do the two have in common?

It is funny comparison. At the revving stage, a racecar's engine is getting prepped for that race. It seems like there is a lot of evidence to suggest that is actually what's happening in the mother's brain during the period of pregnancy. There are changes happening to neurons. They are increasing in size or some neurons have been shown to not only grow but to potentially increase their capacity to produce protein in one part of the brain or perhaps increase their neuronal branches to make communications from one neuron to another neuron that it wasn't talking with before—all in anticipation of the high workload of caring for a child.

So, what advantages do mothers have over non-mothers, behaviorally?

It is quite the gamut of things that moms can do better than non-moms in the rat world. It is always fair to start by pointing out that rats are uni-parental. Continue reading

Sources

• Smithsonian.com
• Image: The Guardian

The Australian research, published in the international Journal of Family Studies, challenges the conventional wisdom that stay-at-home mums bond better with their babies.

The findings suggest mothers who miss their babies or feel guilty about heading back to work may try to compensate through affection and attention.

Mothers who stay at home with their babies for more than six months become more "distant" parents than those who return to work sooner, the research shows.

"Distant parenting means less warmth and affection towards the child," one of the authors, Nina Lucas, said yesterday.

Ms Lucas, of Melbourne's Parenting Research Centre, said these mothers felt less close to their child. She suggested mothers who had to rush back into the workplace might be more "intense" parents during their time at home.

"Mothers who took a short period of leave felt more warm and affectionate towards their child than those who took longer," she said. "This . . . might be because women parent more intensely when they know they have limited time."

The researchers also have good news for mothers who spend longer at home with their newborns before returning to work - they become calmer parents. The research - based on interviews with nearly 10,000 mothers - reveals those who take more maternity leave have less "psychological distress" two or three years later. Continue reading

Image: The Australian

Essential Mums is full of daily news, features, fun stories and lots of helpful advice. It has everything you need to navigate the amazing journey of motherhood.

"Why Essential Mums, and not Essential Mums and Dads?" I hear you ask. Yes, we know Dads take just as active and important a role in children's upbringing (not to mention creation), and we are sure many of them will find lots of the content interesting and useful. They are welcome too.

But we wanted to make this site unabashedly a place for women, and acknowledge that while being a mum is amazing, fantastic (and sometimes exhausting and frustrating), it is also only one facet of a woman's life. We all juggle lots of balls every day, whether it be kids, work, relationships, finances, extended family or whatever.

So while we will cover everything from conception to teenagers, we also have plenty of lifestyle content - food, fashion, finances and the odd celebrity yarn - to round it off. There are tools like ovulation calculators, pregnancy calendars and baby name finders. You can check out how your child's primary school performed in this first round of National Standards, and join the comment and debate on any of our stories.

We wanted to make the site reflect the full journey of motherhood. Continue reading

Image: Essential Mums

In the week before Easter a member's bill which aims to extend paid parental leave in New Zealand from 14 to 26 weeks came up in the ballot.

It is being proposed by Labour's Sue Moroney, and with Peter Dunne's vote there would be enough support in Parliament for it to to be given a first reading.

However Bill English has announced that the Government will make rare use of its power of veto to stop the passing of any legislation that extends the period of paid parental leave. The Prime Minister, John Key, who is in Indonesia, subsequently said the National Party may consider extending paid parental leave at some time in the future.

"Successive Governments have undervalued mothers - and it continues with this decision.

"In reality, this policy would represent about 0.2% of the total Government spending, yet research shows that the role of mothers and the early bonding between mums and babies is vital for healthy child development."

The Families Commission has reversed its earlier support for a full year of paid parental leave, saying the country can probably no longer afford it.

Most bills are government bills. However, members who are not Ministers can introduce their own bills, which are called members' bills.

The House has limited the number of members' bills that can be introduced. Bills are selected by ballot.

When a ballot is to take place, members are notified of the number of new members' bills that can be introduced and are invited to enter bills in the ballot. They have until 10.00 am on the day of the ballot to notify the Clerk of their intention to enter.

Under Parliament's rules, the Government can veto a bill if it is deemed to have more than a minor impact on government finances.

Source

• TVNZ -Family First
• New Zealand Herald - Bill English
• New Zealand Herald -Families Commission
• TVNZ - John Key
• Image: TV3

The gathering was an opportunity for all mothers to make money from their creations, says Caritas' Communication Officer, Christina Mareko. "The programme started in 2008 and we conducted seminars and training for mothers in the villages," she says. This is the first time they have come together in one spot to market their goods. It's great especially during the week that we are celebrating their special day."

The Market day was held over three days.

Caritas Samoa helps people with low incomes by providing food and clothing. It also takes part in peace and reconciliation on a grassroots level by improving relations between students in schools where there is unrest. Caritas Samoa intends to boost its work with young people by establishing a centre where young people can meet, learn and interact, and by giving encouragement to young people who dedicate their lives to the Church.

Source
Samoaobserver.ws

Image: Savali