Pope Francis' main purpose in visiting Mongolia was to visit its tiny Catholic community. He completed his trip with a stop to tour and inaugurate the House of Mercy.

The House of Mercy provides health care to the most needy in the Mongolian capital and the homeless, victims of domestic abuse and migrants.

During his visit to the House, Francis blessed the sign of the charitable institution, which was established to assist women and girls in escaping domestic violence.

The House also has temporary lodging for migrants and others in need and a basic medical clinic for the homeless.

In visiting the House, Francis said he wanted to dispel "the myth" that the aim of Catholic institutions was to convert people to the religion "as if caring for others were a way of enticing people to 'join up'."

Inaugurating the church-run facility, Francis stressed that such initiatives aren't aimed at winning converts.

They are simply exercises in Christian charity, he said.

He went on to urge Mongolians rich and poor to volunteer to help their fellow citizens.

"The true progress of a nation is not gauged by economic wealth, much less by investment in the illusory power of armaments, but by its ability to provide for the health, education and integral development of its people," Francis said at the House.

The local church opened the House as an expression of the three-decade-deep roots the Catholic Church put down during its official presence in Mongolia.

However, his visit took on international connotations because of his overtures to neighbouring China about freedom of religion.

At the end of a Mass on Sunday, Francis sent greetings to China. He called its citizens a "noble" people and asked Catholics in China to be "good Christians and good citizens."

Several foreign-staffed Catholic religious orders in Mongolia run shelters, orphanages and nursing homes.

In these, they care for a population of 3.3 million where one in three people lives in poverty.

Source

• Reuters
• AP News

"First, the constant sarcasm, then the silent treatment and not knowing what's really going on with our finances. When he was furloughed last spring, he started throwing things, and one time he started to choke me … " her voice trails off.

"He's been swearing at the children, too, and smacked the dog on its head, hard, the other day, out of the blue. I don't know what to do," she whispers.

Do most clergy know what to tell this woman?

Maybe they remember a seminary lecture in which they heard that a couple such as this one shouldn't be in marriage counselling. Do they suggest the couple stop seeing a therapist together? Maybe they feel the need to hear her partner's version.

What if the woman's spouse has recently offered to rig the campus with much-needed technology?

What if the congregational leader's own exhaustion makes them quail at taking on another complicated pastoral situation?

As a congregational rabbi and 12-year member of Jewish Women International's Clergy Task Force to End Domestic Abuse in the Jewish Community, I know I'm not alone in wanting a smarter way to support families suffering from abuse.

The pandemic has spurred greater awareness of risk factors for domestic violence and new thinking about intimate partner violence.

Our understanding has become more comprehensive and well-coordinated, more survivor-oriented, more trauma-informed.

That new thinking is amply evident in a report recently released by Jewish Women International titled "Domestic Violence in the Jewish Community," and based on a yearlong needs assessment of services for survivors within the Jewish community. It offers recommendations that do not shoehorn the needs of survivors into systems that have not been serving them well — civil and criminal justice systems, child welfare systems, government benefits systems, and economic and employment systems.

As the report highlights, survivors seeking help turn first to friends or families, then to clergy.

Not a single domestic violence service provider interviewed for the report indicated that survivors turn initially to hotlines/help lines, secular domestic violence programs, medical professionals or law enforcement.

Instead, most survivors turn to a trusted community in times of crisis.

Ready or not, clergy are likely to be sought out more frequently by those intent on leaving homes beset by quarantine and quarrelling.

While the report addresses questions particularly facing Jewish communities, many of them are relevant to other faith communities.

For instance, if a victim does decide to leave her abuser, can you as clergy help her to stay in the community? What would a trauma-informed response to her suffering look like, such that you do not inadvertently misdirect her into re-traumatizing experiences?

What if she and her children need transitional shelter? Could you recommend, based on firsthand knowledge, where to go? Are you prepared to talk about safety planning? Able to help her name which of the four "stages of change" that those in hurtful or unhealthy situations tend to move through on the way to safety and stability? (The report describes the role of clergy in all four stages: pre-contemplation, contemplation, action, long-term healing and independence.)

Are there resources at hand to offer immediate spiritual nourishment to someone feeling both trapped and full of self-blame for her entrapment? Come to think of it, ever since you heard from the preschool teacher that this congregant's daughter recently slapped another student to the ground, you've noticed a pronounced tic in the daughter's eye. If she acts out again, what advice will you give her teacher?

This report is meant to jump-start discussions that will lead to culturally specific interventions and robust, innovative partnerships — between clergy and local shelters and between seminaries and local clergy on the front lines, as well as collaborations with real estate investors who could provide long-term housing solutions for those fleeing domestic violence.

Clearly, new thinking about the needs of survivors and new resources to help them are already here. If we clergy are the people with more authority than power, now is the time to lean on that authority to help relocate the very definition of support for the families we serve.

• Rabbi Donna Kirshbaum, who serves Bethlehem Hebrew Congregation in New Hampshire, is chair of the communications committee for Jewish Women International's Clergy Task Force to End Domestic Abuse in the Jewish Community.
• First published in RNS.
• The views expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Religion News Service.

You have the right to be safe

If you are a victim of family violence or in a relationship that makes you fearful about your own or anyone else's safety, seek help as soon as possible.

• Elder Abuse Helpline | 0800 32 668 65 - 24 hours
• Family violence information line (link is external) | 0800 456 450
• Gandhi Nivas (link is external) - supporting men to be free from violence | 0800 426 344
• Hey Bro helpline (link is external) - supporting men to be free from violence | 0800 HeyBro (439 276)
• Hohou te rongo kahukura - outing violence (link is external) - building rainbow communities free from violence
• National network of stopping violence (link is external) | 03 391 0048
• Sensitive Claims ACC (link is external) | 0800 735 566
• Shakti - for migrant and refugee women | 0800 742 584 - 24 hours
• Shine National Helpline (link is external) | 0508 744 633 - 9am to 11pm
• Victim Support (link is external) - support for men and women victims | 0800 842 846 - 24 hours
• Women's Refuge crisis (link is external) line | 0800 733 843 - 24 hours
• You, me, us (link is external) - promoting healthy queer, trans and takatäpui relationships

The National Board of Catholic Women has responded to a surge in pandemic-related abuse, including against gay and transgender people by issuing a booklet advising as to how to detect the signs and to help.

The booklet, which defines abuse and provides examples of abusive behaviour, points out that domestic abuse also occurs in same-sex relationships and is experienced by transgender people as well.

"Whilst recognising the teaching of the Catholic Church on same-sex relationships, there will be parishioners who identify as LGBTQ+," the booklet says. "As a matter of pastoral compassion, it is important that our priests and parishioners are aware of domestic abuse issues within these relationships." Read more

The Director of Operations, Maretino Qiolevu, raised the issue when he addressed the Interfaith Search Fiji panel discussion, to which the Force was invited in Suva last week.

"We have been reaching out to religious organisations. We strongly believe that, together, we can help answer the question as to why women and children continue to be victims of sexual crimes which are very often being committed by their loved ones," Qiolevu said.

"The partnership forged with the Methodist Church (of Fiji) has been greatly welcomed and we have had some of our senior officers speaking at various affiliated gatherings about domestic crime."

Qiolevu said officers under the Duavata Community Policing have been linking up with the various religious organisations throughout the four policing divisions.

A total of 71 separate incidents of rape and sexual offences was recorded by the Office of Director of Public Prosecutions (ODPP) for the month of July this year.

Of the 71 incidents, 37 people were charged. The offences included rape, attempted rape, assault with intent to rape, and defilement and sexual assault.

Thirteen of the people charged were under the age of 18.

Statistics also revealed that there were 71 incidents in which 21 victims were involved, 15 of those being under 18 years of age.

In seven of the incidents, the accused and the victims were related to each other.

Between August 2016 and April 2017, 787 child abuse cases were recorded, an increase of 34% on the previous year.

Minister for Women, Children and Poverty Alleviation, Mereseini Vuniwaqa, says almost every week there are new cases in which children have been sexually abused.

Source

• The Jet
• Fiji Times
• FijiSun
• Image: discoversociety.org

My then husband was supposedly a Christian, a very pious, rather obsessive one. He was a great amateur preacher, very encouraging to his friends and evangelistically inclined.

He led Bible studies. He wanted to train for the ministry.

He just had one little problem. He liked psychologically torturing me. And dragging me by the hair around our apartment. And punching me - hard, whilst telling me how pathetic I was.

He gave me lists with highlighted sections of Bible passages about nagging wives and how I should submit to him. I was subjected to almost the full catalogue of abusive behaviour.

He was a classic wolf in sheep's clothing. The Bible warns us repeatedly about people like that.

Since leaving this man, I have been shocked by the devastation that domestic abuse has caused women my age, in Sydney in general and in the Anglican Church in particular.

How talented, godly, intelligent women have ended up brainwashed, sometimes with severe depression and wanting to kill themselves. With some of them leaving the church.

Which is why I have been stunned at the reaction to Julia Baird's recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald about domestic violence in the church.

A theologian, Claire Smith, and minister, Karl Faase, have both written articles in response indicating that this type of situation doesn't happen in our church, or if it does, it's not very often.

They also claim that ministers of the church do not teach or behave in a way that encourages such things. They have claimed there is no evidence, and many others have agreed with them.

Well, I disagree. Continue reading

• Isabella Young in The Sydney Morning Herald.

Isabella (not her real name) is currently writing a book detailing anonymised case studies of domestic abuse occurring within church families.

It was his explanation that was just about the end of the iPad. Charles Saatchi explained, suavely and confidently, that the photographs were misleading.

That he and his wife, Nigella Lawson, were discussing the children, and that to "emphasise his point" he had held his hand to her throat. It was, he explained, merely a "playful tiff".

And it was then, with an effort of will, I carefully put down the iPad and walked away.

Please tell me no-one bought that bullshit. Seriously? Did you see the look on Ms Lawson's face? Clearly no-one thought to tell her it was just a "playful tiff". And who puts their hands around someone's throat to "make their point"?

This was not a tiff, nor was it an argument. It was violence.

And so now, I need to make it clear - if it is not already - that this is not going to be some coolly unbiased look at the dynamic of domestic violence.

I need to be up front about the fact that I have been in an abusive relationship.

I have had too many dealings with police while dressed only in my nightie and dressing gown, too many calls from Victim Support, dealings with Women's Refuge, with lawyers, crying to my friend; feeling frightened, angry, sad, humiliated and ashamed.

There were too many "incidents", as I euphemistically called them, times when I was forced to leave my home - usually at night - either by being pushed physically out the door, or because I feared for my safety. Continue reading

Sources

• Claire Allison in Stuff
• Image: The Telegraph

The hand around the throat, the pinching of a nose - in public view in a big city - you can't help wondering what Mr Saatchi's last wife meant when she divorced him for "unreasonable behaviour".

As painful as it must be for Nigella Lawson to have the whole world know about her predicament, it's important that we do, not in some cheap women's magazine tell-all expose, but in the adult world of real life.

We now have proof that when a woman is beautiful, clever, famous and independently wealthy, it's no protection against domestic violence, because that's what an observer photographed on June 6.

Here is all the evidence you need that it doesn't just happen among the under-classes of the world, the people who are not like us.

The sequence is so familiar that an estimated one in four women knows about it first hand.

There is seduction, of course, the apparent meeting of minds, the talk of respect and protestations of love.

There is a shoulder to cry on, good advice given, humour appreciated, the life of the mind and of culture savoured together. Men at every level of society can manifest such things to women who believe a man is necessary to feel whole. Then, slowly, it changes.

This man shouts, Ms Lawson is on record as saying, and then she goes quiet and resentful, she says, as women do, because they don't want a man's anger to escalate.

Where do we learn to be this craven? I call this - the shouting - violence already, because it's about domination and control of another person through fear. Possibly some women behave like this and they are no better, but this week it's about a celebrity woman cook and a famous male art lover. Continue reading

Sources

• Rosemary McLeod in Stuff
• Image: The Guardian

Rosemary McLeod is a NZ journalist and columnist.