In an opinion piece on abc.net, Archbishop-elect Anthony Fisher wrote that "modernity struggles with any kind of love that goes beyond feelings".

"People today are less and less willing to commit, for the long haul, to another person or a small community of persons, come what may, even when the loving is hard," he added.

It is this "fundamental problem" that faces the family, rather than the "hot button" issues in the media during the synod on the family, the archbishop stated.

Factors contributing to the "shrinkage and fragmentation" of the modern family include urbanisation, industrialisation and a view of the institution as being founded solely on the affections of the couple for each other.

Archbishop-elect Fisher wrote that there are some positives in the modern outlook, such as greater respect for freedom and the equality of the sexes.

But when "concepts of love and sexuality are unmoored from religious values and mores . . . major stress points become evident".

These include: "disconnection of domestic relations from marriage; disconnection of sexuality from love and procreation; and the relegation of the family to the private sphere".

Archbishop-elect Fisher stated that the results are plain to see.

"In our grandparents' day, nearly everyone was married; now fewer than half are.

"Of those who ever give marriage a try, it's generally only after a long period of experimentation and cohabitation, even though this radically reduces marital sticking power," he wrote.

"Many adults think children are an optional extra for their marriage.

"Many children grow up without the experience of a Mum and Dad committed to each other and to them over the long haul. "

Archbishop-elect Fisher wrote that the memory of a genuine marriage culture remains, but sometimes this manifests itself in the phenomenon of serial monogamy.

Sources

• ABC
• Image: Catholicism Pure and Simple

Speaking to media at the synod on the family, Cardinal Christoph Schonborn said it is clear that the Church must reach out to those whose marriages have failed.

No one must feel that their membership of the Church ended because they failed, he underlined.

Referring to people in irregular relationships from the Church's perspective, he said: "I can look at an imperfect situation from two sides."

"I can look at what is missing, and I can see what is already there".

"When couples live together in a stable, faithful relationship, one could say that is not a sacramental marriage, that there is something missing, but one could also say that it is a beginning, that there is already something there," he said.

During an ad limina visit by the Austrian bishops, Cardinal Schonborn said, Pope Francis raised the issue of young people cohabiting before getting married.

The Pope encouraged the Austrian bishops to accompanying people "towards something more complete and more perfect".

People's personal circumstances also need to be considered, Cardinal Schonborn said.

The main thing is to accompany such relationships non-judgmentally and with understanding and encouragement, he noted.

Also speaking to media, German Cardinal Reinhard Marx cautioned against glorifying what some people see as the good old days of marriage and family life.

Undertones about the ideal marriage and family life of yesteryear should be avoided, he said.

He also said that faithful homosexual relationships that have been stable for decades should not be viewed as "nothing" by the Church.

Sources

• National Catholic Reporter
• Image: Catholic News Agency

In an interview with Argentine newspaper La Nacion, Francis indicated that he wanted clergy to be less judgmental and more understanding of those living outside Catholic norms.

He told the newspaper: "The world has changed and the Church cannot withdraw into supposed interpretations of dogma.

"We have to approach these social difficulties, both new and old, by extending a hand to give comfort, not by stigmatising and criticising people."

His comments were published on the day he celebrated a Mass to open the two-week Synod of Bishops, which has as its theme "pastoral challenges of the family in the context of evangelisation".

At the synod, some prelates seemed to have picked up his point.

During the first days of discussions, concerns have been raised as to some of the language the Church uses to speak about those who don't live up to its teachings.

Some synod members referred to phrases like "living in sin", "contraceptive mentality" and "intrinsically disordered" as being unhelpful.

Vatican spokesman Fr Thomas Rosica summarised this, saying that labelling people does not help in bringing people to Christ.

Among the many themes that have emerged during the first days was that of "graduality", said English Cardinal Vincent Nichols to reporters.

This means that Catholics may sometimes grow toward adherence to, or understanding of, Church teaching throughout their lives.

Vatican spokesman Fr Federico Lombardi said "there are absolutely valid, important and even holy elements" in families that fall short of the Christian ideal of marriage in the Church.

Cardinal Nichols said he didn't hear any synod member speaking about changing doctrine, "but I heard a great desire to deepen our understanding of doctrine".

In the La Nacion interview, Francis dwelt on the question of young people's attitudes to marriage, such as seeing cohabitation as preferable.

He said the fact that young people not getting married is "the culture of the time".

He added: "What should the Church do? Expel them from their breast? Or approach them and try to bring them close and teach them the word of God? I am in favour of the latter position."

At the start of the first working session of the synod, Pope Francis told members to "speak boldly and listen with humility".

Sources

• The Tablet
• National Catholic Reporter
• ABC
• Image: BBC

Ahead of next month's synod on the family, Cardinal Vincent Nichols told a press conference that he grew up in a "Church that understood itself as a Church of sinners".

"[But] I don't think it's been our strong suit in the last 30 years," he said.

The cardinal said a major challenge is to create a "culture of mercy" in the Church, as called for by Pope Francis.

The cardinal insisted that the Church's view that marriage is indissoluble would remain a "foundational rock" of its teaching, but said it could not ignore the "frailty of the human reality".

Cardinal Nichols said the Church must not only recognise the fact that marriages break down, but also the "emergence and celebration of new relationships".

"The Pope over and over again says we start from the wrong place if we start from an idealised form or vision of marriage," he said.

"But we start from the reality of two people often who enter marriage with complex wounded histories, who have all sorts of personal dimensions to their lives."

But Cardinal Nichols said that any move allowing Communion for divorced and remarried couples would require a "radical rethink" on either the indissolubility of marriage or teaching on the Eucharist.

"[S]o I go to this synod intent on listening to what people have to say," he said.

Cardinal Nichols stressed that a culture of mercy does not dispense with the need for conversion and forgiveness.

The cardinal also said that any marriage which is "truly the place of the conscious, willing acceptance of God's grace can no more be dissolved than the Eucharist can be returned to bread, because it is the work of God".

Asked about priests telling unmarried, cohabiting couples they shouldn't receive Communion, the cardinal made a distinction.

"When a person presents themselves for Holy Communion, the onus, the responsibility for doing so lies with that person," the cardinal said.

"So as a matter of practice, priests do not refuse to give Holy Communion," he said.

"Someone who's entered a second civil marriage has already made a public statement.

"So, in a way, that does put them in a different situation, because they have made a statement on public record of where their life is," he said.

Sources

• The Tablet
• Catholic Herald
• The Telegraph
• Christian Today
• Image: The Telegraph

When Jennifer started therapy with me less than a year later, she was looking for a divorce lawyer. "I spent more time planning my wedding than I spent happily married," she sobbed. Most disheartening to Jennifer was that she'd tried to do everything right. "My parents got married young so, of course, they got divorced. We lived together! How did this happen?"

Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. This shift has been attributed to the sexual revolution and the availability of birth control, and in our current economy, sharing the bills makes cohabiting appealing. But when you talk to people in their 20s, you also hear about something else: cohabitation as prophylaxis.

In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, "You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along." About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.

But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect. Continue reading

Sources

• Meg Jay in The New York Times Sunday Review
• Image: Andy Braner

Despite a drop in the divorce rate, "family instability continues to increase for the nation's children overall, mainly because more than 40 percent of American children will now spend time in a cohabiting household," according to the study, "Why Marriage Matters," issued Aug. 16 by the Center for American Families at the Institute for American Values and the National Marriage Project, based at the University of Virginia.

Read piece by Mark Pattison Catholic News Service

Image: The Pew Forum

Mark Pattison is a news person at the Catholic News Service and is President at Washington Baltimore Newspaper Guild