Tracking them down, sans Google or social media, was at least somewhat difficult.

Today, that has changed.

An ex may be far from one's mind, until a photo of their wedding, or baby, or recent vacation pops up in a social media feed.

That could spell trouble for current relationships, according to a new report on relationship happiness and online behaviors.

In a survey that included 2,000 married, cohabiting and single people spanning multiple generations in the United States, as well as data from the General Social Survey, researchers found that couples who flirted with online boundaries and relationships were less happy than those who kept strong online boundaries.

The analysis of the survey, entitled "iFidelity: The State of Our Unions 2019," was a research project from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

"Those currently married or cohabiting who blur those boundaries are significantly less happy, less committed, and more likely to break up while, conversely, those taking a more careful stance online are happier, more committed, and less likely to separate," the study states.

"For example, those who did not follow a former girlfriend/boyfriend online had a 62% likelihood of reporting that they were ‘very happy' in their cohabiting or marital relationship.

"Only 46% of those who did follow an old flame online reported being very happy."

The survey asked about nine online behaviors, and whether or not participants considered them to be "unfaithful" or "cheating."

According to the survey, most Americans (70% or more) rated six behaviors as cheating or unfaithful, including "having a secret emotional relationship or sexting with someone other than a partner/spouse without the partner's/spouse's knowledge and consent."

Three behaviors were the exception - most Americans did not find flirting with someone in real life, following a former love interest online, and consuming pornography to be cheating or unfaithful behaviors.

The results also varied by age.

Millennials were the most likely group to have permissive attitudes about online behaviors, and were also the most likely group to admit engaging in online behaviors ranked as "unfaithful" or "cheating."

W. Brad Wilcox, editor of the survey and director of the National Marriage Project, told CNA that he thought there were at least three possible reasons for this discrepancy. Continue reading

• Image: The Nile

As she handed me the crayons, there would be the warning, "Don't go over the lines!"

I always did.

In spite of good intentions, a crayon would slip, or I'd try to improve the picture by adding a sun or moon or some flowers, and then I'd be in trouble.

I guess I'm the sort of person who has always gone over the lines, and sometimes there has been disapproval from people who are neat and tidy.

There is no right or wrong about this; it's just the way God made us.

I admire the tidy people who create order in the world, and I sometimes envy their gift of staying within boundaries.

Those in my camp, often trip over lines in their enthusiasm and end up with faces in the mud, which is not the best place to be.

Still, there is consolation in the number of characters in the Bible, who messed up. Even great leaders got in the mud somewhere along the way.

There was Jacob who cheated his brother Esau, Moses who had to run away after killing an Egyptian, David who took another man's wife. All of that was dramatic mud.

Then in the Gospels, we have Peter the classic example.

Time and time again, his eagerness to do the right thing took him over the edge into error.

Fortunately, Jesus understood him.

Actually, Jesus was very understanding of people who made wrong choices.

The only lines he himself went past, were lines that were crooked and false.

He loved the people who were not afraid to be human, and if they made mistakes, he invited them to learn from their error.

Mud is good stuff for new growth.

Perhaps Jesus most popular parable is the story of the two sons and the loving father.

Was one son better than the other?

No, they were simply different.

While one was happy to stay home, working on the land, the other was restless, wanting to know what the world out there was like.

He soon found out.

The world was quick to relieve him of his money, and he ended up with a job feeding pigs.

Why pigs?

We remember that pigs were unclean to the Jews, and this suggests the lad had really hit rock bottom.

The hero in the story is the father.

He knew his sons were different and he loved them equally.

This is where we come into the parable, so glad that difference doesn't matter to God who embraces us all with the same abundant love.

With a bit of practice, maybe I too, will see past differences.

People who go over the lines and people who stay within them, are equally God's favourites.

It's a great parable.

Well, maybe not great for the fatted calf; but that's another story.

• Joy Cowley is a wife, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and retreat facilitator.
• Image: RNZ

In a letter to the theological faculty of the Pontifical Catholic University of Argentina, the Pope used language he had previously applied to pastors.

According to an article in the National Catholic Reporter, Francis wrote that the Second Vatican Council "produced an irreversible movement of renewal that comes from the Gospel".

So teaching and studying theology means living on a "frontier", he continued.

"We must guard ourselves against a theology that is exhausted in the academic dispute or watching humanity from a glass castle," the Pope said.

"You learn it to live: theology and holiness are an inseparable pair."

"Do not settle for a theology of the desk," he added. "Your place for reflection [is] the boundaries."

"And do not fall into the temptation to paint over them, to perfume them, to adjust them a bit and tame them," Francis wrote.

"The good theologians, like the good shepherds, smell of the people and of the road and, with their reflection, pour oil and wine on the wounds of humankind."

"Theology may be an expression of a Church which is a 'field hospital,' which lives its mission of salvation and healing in the world," he continued.

Pope Francis said the sort of theologian formed at the university must not be "an intellectual without talent, an ethicist without kindness or a bureaucrat of the sacred".

Similarly such an aspiring theologian must not be a theologian "of the museum" who "accumulates data and information on revelation without really knowing what to do with it".

Rather, such an aspirant should be "is a person able to build around themselves humanity, to transmit the divine Christian truth in a truly human dimension".

Sources

• National Catholic Reporter
• Image: Spiritual Travels